The pain - joy paradox.
I'm here as living proof that the traumatic challenges of loving someone struggling with addiction and experiencing profound loss have the potential to increase your awareness and open your heart to greater moments of joy.
Lisa
Lisa L. Frechette, M.Ed., M.A.
The mud beneath the lotus*
I was not thinking about joy when my infant was born with a rare respiratory disease and died when he was three months old, nor when my marriage miserably disintegrated several years later. I was not trying to be joyful as the caretaker for my parents as they aged and died at home. And during the excruciating early years witnessing my older son’s addiction, the joy word never came up.
Surprisingly, joy did occasionally arise once I sought to learn about and understand addiction.
I learned that I could not control people, places, or things. But I could nourish my thoughts, feelings, and spirit in healthy ways. I learned about self-care.
My new awareness grew, and so did my healing.
The paradox of opening to joy through the painful challenges of loving someone struggling with addiction & experiencing many forms of grief can be exquisitely compared to a lotus .
We feel pain. This pain is like the mud living below the surface of the unopened petals of a lotus. When we seek greater awareness and begin to understand our pain and practice self-care, transformation begins. We learn to see the difference between reacting to our pain and responding to it with love. The intentional use of our muddy pain feeds the potential for the magnificent lotus to blossom.
One by one, lotus petals of joy began to open.
This was happening for me when my young adult son briefly found sobriety. When he began to drink, I continued to focus on self-care and best ways to respond to myself and him. When he died driving drunk, the mud beneath my lotus rested while I absorbed and processed the shock. I responded to this new pain of grief in much the same way I did to the behaviors connected with his addictions.
Today I continue to tend to my lotus garden with tenderness and care. I am especially grateful to offer you practical ways of responding to addiction & grief. Along with my clothing line, expressive art classes, and academic tutoring, I also offer you the following healing and empowering opportunities to uncover joy.
- My Book
May Transforming to Joy become a mantra as the lotus of your life unfolds.
With healing light & love,
Lisa
Lisa L. Frechette, M.A., M.Ed.
*This lotus was created from my Adam’s Red painting which I made following his death. It is the focal point on my book jacket and is included in my Adam’s Red clothing line.
Adam and me.
Adam was in the early stages of recovery when this photo was taken.
Transforming to Joy … the backstory
For over twenty years, I have been painting in abstract form. It's a relaxing, healing, and meditative experience. One hot humid summer day, I felt inspired to paint outdoors on a recycled piece of metal using red paint. My young adult son, Adam, came to mind and heart. Red was his favorite color. Adam had suffered with addictions and died drunk. Letting go on that fiercely hot summer day I felt Adam's presence and allowed the painting process to work through me. The result is Adam's Red painting.
A year or two later, it came to me that the painting would translate beautifully and make a bold clothing and accessories line. Of course the clothing and accessories line is called Adam's Red!
Not long after I began writing about our mother-son relationship. As this story evolved into book form it seemed only natural to translate Adam's Red painting into a lotus featured on the book jacket. The book is called Transforming to Joy; Responding to My Son's Struggle With Addiction.
This unplanned process took place over a period of years. It still amazes me to look back and reflect upon the ease with which all of this unfolded.
Adam’s Red continues to inspire me to respond to the challenges of life with courage and love. It reminds my heart to open to both the pain and joy in life. It reminds me that love is never extinguished.
May our story inspire you to welcome deeper healing, hope, and love.
❤️
Lisa
Lisa L. Frechette, M.A., M.Ed.
ADAM SHAW ATHLETIC SCHOLARSHIP (ASAS)
A scholarship has been created in Adam’s memory.
Set New Goals & Break More Limits
"Time to Set New Goals & Break More Limits" were the last words spoken on social media by Adam before his death. It has become the theme for the Adam Shaw Athletic Scholarship (ASAS).
Adam was a 2009 Gardner High School* graduate who played and loved many team sports, especially baseball. With this passion in mind, the ASAS team created a scholarship intended for college bound male athletes from his alma mater.
The ASAS team carefully chooses male scholarship recipients based on the following criteria:
Athletic commitment
Financial need
Potential for success
Since its inception in 2014, the ASAS team has awarded twenty-seven scholarships totaling $10,224.
We welcome donations to support young men in need of financial assistance for college. Contact us here to make donation arrangements.
Thank you for helping to make a difference!
❤️
The ASAS team
*Gardner, Massachusetts
